Being A Good Listener

Being a good listener is one of the most charming and important life skills anyone can possess, yet few of us know how to do it. Not because we are evil, but because no one taught us how to do it and most importantly no one listens to us because we come into this social life with the greed to talk rather than listen. We are hungry to meet others, but we are averse to listening to them, and friendship is born out of social selfishness. Like most things, it’s about education: our civilization is filled with great books on how to talk. Cicero “Rhetoric” and Aristotle’s “The Art of Oratory” are two of the greats of the ancient world but unfortunately, no one has ever written a book called The Listener.

And there are a bunch of things that a good listener does that are very nice to spend time with their partner.

First, they encourage us to move on. It’s hard to know our minds, we often worry about something but don’t know what’s really bothering us. And we make great use of a clarification push that takes us through the details, to push us a little bit forward. We need someone who kind of starts out simply by saying these two charming words: “Continue.

” They have changed over time, they are curious when it comes to our worries and emotions. They ask questions like, “Why did you bother with this particular thing?” “Why is something like this so important?” They keep our history in their memory because they may refer to something we have said before and we feel they are building a deep base of engagement. Again, a good listener is motivated to clarify.

It’s easy to say vague things, simply suggesting that something is beautiful or terrible, nice or annoying, but we can’t really figure out why we feel that way.

A friend who listens to us often has a fruitful and friendly skepticism in some of our first expressions and after the deepest situations, they look back on things. They take the things we say like “I’m sick of my job” or “My partner and I have a lot of turmoil” and they help us focus on the truth of the matter about the job we don’t like or what the turmoil is.

They listen and seek to clarify the problems indicated. They do not view the conversations as a short exchange.

They reconnect the conversation that took place near the pizza parlor with the ambitious philosophy of Socrates’ Dialogues which are records of his quest to help his Athenian followers better understand their ideas and values. Third, good listeners don’t judge. A good listener is acutely aware of how crazy we all are and they know their minds well enough. We shouldn’t be surprised or afraid about it. They are also adept at making their voices positive.

Strategic “Hmmm..” gently suggest sympathy without intruding on what we are trying to say. They give the impression that they recognize and accept our mistakes, they reassure us that they will not rip our dignity. The most worrisome thing in a competitive world is that we feel we can’t be honest about how devastated we are, to say that someone feels like a failure may mean they are an outcast, but good listeners of early signals clearly don’t view us on these terms.

Our weakness is something they comfort us with rather than frighten us. In conclusion, good listeners distinguish differences of opinion from criticism There is a great tendency to feel that there is a difference of opinion in hostile expressions and it is sometimes clear that this is honesty. But a good listener makes it clear that he can like you and at the same time think that you are wrong. They simplify their admiration for you without relying on compatibility and they know that a really beautiful person can be disoriented and need some nice untangling.

When we are with people who listen well, we will have a very interesting and powerful experience but often we don’t really realize who this kindly person is.

Through strategic attention, we can learn to feel pleasant and feel it for others, who in turn will notice, hear, and return the favor. Listening deserves discovery as one of the keys to a good society. Translation: I translate team @autrjim.

As found on YouTube

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